When the Past Hits You in the Face like a Rabid Raccoon

I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I think about Robby. I wonder if he's doing well, or if he thinks about me. After two years, you'd think he'd stop tiptoeing to the forefront of my mind. Sometimes it makes sense, like missing that he would always be willing to drive any distance for me.

     His house was all the way on the other side of the hill. A measly ten miles, but took twenty minutes to drive. It was only seven in the morning, about three hours before he would even contemplate leaving his comfortable down feather pillows and surprisingly cozy spring mattress. I'm sure he didn't want to hear his phone ring. But it was my personal ringtone, so he answered.
                "I left my homework at home! I'm freaking out and I 
                 don't have any way of getting it! Both of my parents 
                  left for work and it's too far to walk and I need an A 
                  in this class and I don't know what to do!"
     What a way to start the day, huh? There was never a moment of resentment in his voice though.
                  "When do you need it by?"
                  "Third period, at 10 am."
                  "Okay, I'll be at the front office at 9:50. Calm down, 
                    everything will be okay."
     And at that point I thanked the heavens for such a patient man. For such a generous man. For he took that twenty minute trek to my house, then the five to my school, all before he even wanted to be conscious. Still in his pajama bottoms and an old Pink Floyd t-shirt his mom had given him to sleep in, he stood there yawning with my papers in his hand, waiting for me to get there. 

He may have been a monster at times, but I do miss his sweet and gentle side. And to hear that he's been hanging around Riverside... well... it just irks me so. He made the effort to keep in touch with his friends here. Friends, might I add, that helped me to get rid of him because of the mistreatment during the end of our miserable relationship.

I wish I could stay fantasizing that he yearned for me; that without me, he felt like less of a man.

But that would make me selfish right?

-Annie

Paint Splotches

It's 2:00pm and it's a relatively beautiful day. So why am I sitting here typing away to what seems like nothing? I'm trying so desperately to get back into writing, even if it's about the most mundane things.

From my room is a view of my backyard. My room sits on the second floor overlooking a mostly dead patch of grass and dirt. Surrounding this heap of earth are three foot tall cement walls, separating the grass from a patio and gardener's corner. These walls are the location of wars and love and relaxation and anxiety; these walls are the lizards' world. Everyday I choose to open my blinds, shining the light of day into my bleak and messy bedroom. And each time I sit here, on Facebook, or studying, or watching Prison Break I get the chance to witness life unfold before me. There, on the left corner, a big lizard is chasing a smaller one. Even with short legs, they resemble snakes slithering across concrete waters. I like to imagine that the smaller lizard (Marten) has offended the bigger one (Bubba), possibly moving in on a mate or trying to take over small territories of my backyard.

Marten gingerly steps up to the highest point of the wall, creeping around the forever stuck sprinkler that won't retreat back into the ground.
     "Hey! Where do you think you're going?!"
Bubba spots Marten and races towards him, stopping only a smidgen away from Martens nose.
     "It's not what you think.. I was.. I was just trying to tan!"
     "This is MY tanning area! Find your own pipsqueak!"
Seeing the anger in Bubba's black, beady eyes, Marten squiggles off as fast as he can, over the broken sprinkler and into the grass below. Bubba runs after him, never far behind. All I see are shuffles in the dead grass, every once in a while seeing a tail whip around a flower weed. And then they vanish into the brush.

Poor Marten. I hope he's still alive.

Anew

There have been many times in my life where I have decided to change for the better. However, most of these changes stem from emotional or psychological reasons, i.e. getting over a boy, which is fine and well. This time, I'm going to change physically. Because as I shape my body into what I want it to be, all other aspects if issues are also more likely to fall into place.

Now, of all people, I know how lazy I can be when it comes to exercise. For those that don't know, I don't exercise at all. It's rather horrible. There's no way I'm going to all of a sudden run a marathon, so baby steps will be the key to my success.

As it is, I consume around 2500 calories and burn off little because of a lack of physical activity. The first goal is to manage my daily calorie count and limit it to 1200 calories a day, including exercise.

Ex: If I consume 2000 calories today, I must alsot burn at least 800 =1200 daily calories.

Simple enough right?

"Let nothing stress you out, nothing has that kind of power over you except you."
- Unknown