Lovebug

In every relationship, there are things that we can handle, and there are things that we can't handle. We set standards for ourselves and each other. We all know those things, those REALLY IMPORTANT things that make or break the relationship. It's like you only have so much space for bullshit, and then that one little straw will break your poor back.

I have a lot of little straws like that. Anyone who knows me can attest to my temper. But I can normally deal with it. I try not to yell or lash out unless I feel like I can offer a solution or at least I know that I was definitely and completely wronged and they have no way of turning it around on me and making it my fault. I have my own issues and problems I attempt to sort through, but sometimes ( a lot of times), I just don't know what problem to fix first. And so, as I've done since the dawn of time (aka birth), I focus on fixing other peoples' problems first. This becomes, in itself, a problem because my own defects are never addressed.

Back to not my problems. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's hypocrisy. If there's a single most confusing situation in a relationship, it's accidental hypocrisy. Now, one might ask, how does one accidentally be a hypocrite? Well, since I'm not the hypocrite, I HAVE NO IDEA. But I'm trying to stay calm and put the pieces together so that I don't have to end a potentially beautiful life with a wonderful man. Ready for a story, guys?

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Some of you may think that going through your significant others' phone is just unacceptable. Well, before you go telling me that I shouldn't have been on his phone in the first place, understand that we basically share phones. We share emails, have access to each others accounts, including facebook, and constantly borrow each others phones. Friends will normally text/message one of us as a means to contact BOTH of us. He is just as welcome to go through my phone as I do his, we have no secrets, especially when it comes to who we talk to (since we have so many mutual friends).

So, I was on his phone looking for pictures of him and his little brother to put in a frame, and I went into his kik to see if any family members may have sent him any over the years (however long he's had the account). Needless to say, I didn't find any pictures, but I did see a conversation with this girl, Deleana. I didn't know who she is, but I guessed that she was one of his Call of Duty buddies that he games with on his ps3.

I almost knew that I didn't want to read it. He was working on applications for jobs so I just opened it up to see how their COD team was doing online. My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach and for split moment before anger overwhelmed me, I felt what it was like to feel completely betrayed.

How can someone call a COD buddy "lovebug", "sweetie" and send kissy faces after a "love you" while you have a long term girlfriend? After telling me very confidently that if I EVER cheated on you, you'd walk out the door with no regrets, you turn around and think that there's nothing wrong with the way you speak to her?

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It's been a few days, and I've had time to dwell on the incident. He deleted his kik account and let me have his ps3 for a while to prove that he was willing to cut ties with her. I never want to be the jealous girlfriend that doesn't let him have any female friends, but my confidence has definitely been shaken. He claimed that he didn't realize his words to her were such a problem because they always talked like that, and after a very emotional conversation, we agreed that it was a mistake on his part, and that I should see it as cheating. I'm still pretty upset, but I don't want it to hinder our relationship any further. We're already going through a rough patch, and I really want to see us make it through. I know I left the story pretty short, but after a few days, I really just didn't want to talk about it anymore.

I know if roles were reversed, he'd be crushed. How long until I should put it in the past?

What a Jerk, Not a Jerk

Why is it that girl's just can't accept a compliment from their boyfriends/husbands/significant others? Is there a difference between a stranger telling you how pretty you are and your boyfriend telling you that you look stunning? Personally, I think there is, but only on a very deep, paranoid level.

I work on my University campus at a small convenience store near the medical building. Most of our customers are staff, though dormers come through pretty often too. Now, our uniforms can be described with two very simple words: NOT FLATTERING. We wear black t-shirts, tiny half-aprons, a black visor, and jeans with chunky, black non-slip shoes. (Personally I think the all black attire was meant to help us hate our job in the desert heat because our store is outside). My hair is always up in a messy bun and we aren't allowed to do our nails or wear dangling jewelery. I'm also not really the 'wake up super early to "put on my face" and do my hair' kind of girl either. Most of the pick-up lines that come my way are on social networking sites like facebook or Instagram, because pictures are so much nicer than my real face apparently.

So it's a Wednesday, one of my longest days, and I'm trying my best to keep up a smile and make every customer feel welcome (we don't get too busy so connecting with customers is a priority). A customer walks to my register and I flash him a simple smile and ask him how he's doing today.

     "Wow, what a smile! You have the smile that could make someone's day," he says.

HOLY MOLY! I've NEVER heard anyone say that to me, especially looking like I just crawled out of a dark closet dressed by my blind wardrobe adviser. It took me by surprised, and naturally, made me smile more. I held a conversation with this customer for a few minutes, and properly thanked him for his kind comment and transaction. Can you guess what kind of day I had?

I had a great day. I kept my smile for the next 7 hours of my shift, even while my managers outwardly complained about their day to their customers. I received 3 more compliments that day about my shining personality and genuinely happy attitude.

Completely off topic, but see how ONE compliment can help to brighten someone's day? And in turn, that person can brighten other people's day? It's a wonderful train of happy, people! Jump on it!

 On the complete opposite end of the happy spectrum, is what happens when Alex compliments me. I become a raging bitch who won't believe that anything nice out of his mouth is anything more than obligated, sugar-coated crap. He will tell me how beautiful I look, or how every day he falls more and more in love with me, and my only response is something along the lines of "Yeah, sure."

Why don't I believe him? Would I believe him more if we weren't dating? Is it that I believe that he's now only "supposed" to tell me these things as opposed to before when he was "just trying to get in my pants"? Oh the inner turmoil. Why can't things just be simple again.